Gottman Couples Therapy
What Is The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method, developed by Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Gottman, is a structured, evidence-based approach to couples therapy. It is a process that helps couples manage conflicts by strengthening emotional bonds between partners, creating cohesive and meaningful relationships, and promoting mutual empathy and mindfulness, the Gottman Method is a holistic process that helps couples manage conflicts without harming their relationship.
The Method harnesses the transformative potential of the Sound Relationship House Theory (SRH), offering a beacon of hope for healthier relationships. It is a step toward healthier relationships through a comprehensive assessment of relationship struggles and tailored, evidence-based interventions optimised for sustainable change.
Reasons Couples Seek Gottman Therapy
Relationship Cues To Recognise: The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
Conflict is a part of any relationship, and how couples navigate these conflicts can determine the state of their relationship together. In his research, Gottman noted that couples who ended up separating exhibited certain behaviours that he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These were:
1. Criticisms of the partner's personality, especially over perceived negative traits.
2. Defensiveness when criticised for something, warding off a perceived “attack”.
3. Stonewalling, or refusing to interact with the other and preventing meaningful communication.
4. Contempt, such as making statements from a relative position of superiority.
Gottman also finds that marital conflicts are generally divided into two categories: resolvable and perpetual. Per their research, 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems, so the Gottman Method intends to help couples work through these together with a calm mind and consideration for each other’s feelings.
As such, the Gottman Method can be instrumental in helping couples work through many relationship issues, including frequent arguments, emotional distancing, and more. Even for couples in healthy relationships, the Gottman Method can be valuable in allowing them to understand each other better at any stage of their relationship.
Understanding How The Gottman Method Works
1. Build Love Maps
This step helps couples to learn more about each other’s inner world, including their joys, hopes, concerns, and desires.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
Couples can regularly express appreciation and respect for one another, increasing their affection and learning to live with differences.
3. Turn Toward One Another
Partners acknowledge bids for connection and respond positively to foster small moments of happiness.
4. Accept Influence
This principle allows partners to see one another positively, be considerate, and be willing to compromise and adapt to foster a healthy relationship.
5. Solve Solvable Problems
Couples learn and understand that conflict can be a constructive process. They can learn how to resolve these problems together and manage recurring ones healthily.
6. Make Life Dreams Come True
Couples jointly create an environment where they can honestly discuss and even support their respective hopes, dreams, values, and aspirations.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Partners get to explore and understand various myths, narratives, visions, and metaphors that shape your relationship and how these shared experiences enrich their lives and give them meaning.
8. Trust
Instilling trust between partners helps them to feel secure and confident that they have each other’s backs at every step.
9. Commitment
Couples embrace the belief that their relationship is a lifelong journey, committing to work through difficulties together.
Begin your path to healing your relationship, and discover the transformative potential of the Gottman Method. Schedule your appointment here to embark on a journey of self-discovery and positive change.
Is The Gottman Method Effective?
The Gottman Method addresses various relationship challenges with evidence-based strategies proven to support couples with multiple issues. Even couples experiencing typical levels of conflict can benefit from the Gottman Method and find new ways to work together to resolve these conflicts while strengthening their bonds. This therapeutic approach is not a one-size-fits-all solution but a flexible tool that can be tailored to each couple’s unique needs, providing reassurance and maintaining relationships for long-term success.
Long-term support using the Gottman Method has shown plenty of promise. It allows couples to consistently apply the skills and techniques they learned from their sessions, providing a secure foundation for their relationship and ensuring they can communicate well with each other to solve conflicts amicably.
Assessment Phase: A Required Foundation For Strengthening Relationships
At New Leaf Counselling & Integrative Health, we believe in the power of the assessment phase in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. This structured phase, comprising 4 sessions, is not just a starting point, but a pathway to strengthening relationships and fostering meaningful change.
Before embarking on the assessment phase, it’s crucial that both partners are fully committed to the process of strengthening their relationship. This mutual readiness and willingness to work together is not just a formality, but a significant factor that can greatly enhance the effectiveness of therapy and set the stage for meaningful change.
Step 1: Initial Couples Session (90 Minutes)
Before the couple’s first appointment, each partner will be asked to complete the New Leaf Couples Questionnaire. This HIPAA-compliant form is designed to help partners reflect on their relationship, identify key concerns, desired goals, and individual expectations for couples or marital counselling. The process begins with a joint, collaborative session where both partners come together to explore their relationship dynamics.
Step 2. Individual Sessions (45 Minutes Each)
After Step 1, each partner will schedule their individual sessions, ideally within the next week, to keep the momentum going. These sessions can take place on separate days and at times that are most convenient for each individual.
Payment is required for both sessions prior to the appointments, marking a shared commitment between the couple and our practitioners to move forward in the assessment phase.
After payment, each partner will receive the Gottman Couples Questionnaire via email. This questionnaire is an essential part of the therapy process, designed to help us gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics. Please complete it before the next joint session (the third session) so that your session can be used most effectively, maximising the benefits of the Gottman Method.
Our individual sessions take place in a secure and nurturing environment, where you can reflect and explore personal concerns at your own pace. This space allows you to consider how past experiences, such as those from your family of origin, may be shaping your relationship. The sessions are designed to help you gain clarity, understand patterns, and approach your relationship with insight and care.
Step 3. Feedback Session (90 minutes)
The third session is a collaborative couples session, during which both partners will come together to review key insights from their individual assessments.
In this session, you will receive personalised recommendations and strategies designed to support your relationship goals. These insights will help you effectively apply the Gottman Method in your partnership.
Once the assessment phase is complete, our practitioners will provide their professional recommendations on whether regular counselling sessions, weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly would best support your relationship. While our practitioners offer their expert guidance, it’s important to remember that the final decision on how to proceed rests with you as a couple.
This structured approach ensures we gain a thorough understanding of your relationship, allowing us to provide tailored strategies that promote growth, connection, and lasting strength.
How Much Does The Gottman Method Couples Therapy Cost?
At New Leaf, couples counselling sessions are 90 minutes long, a duration research shows can provide effective therapeutic outcomes. Session fees are fixed and vary based on your choice of practitioner and whether your appointment falls within or outside standard office hours.
For full details, please visit our fees and terms page for more information.
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FAQs About Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Q: Could the Gottman Method imply that a couple should separate?
A: Not at all. The Gottman Method’s primary purpose is to help couples resolve conflicts while strengthening their relationship and preventing a negative outcome. It seeks to assist couples in finding more positive ways to resolve their differences and promote a much happier relationship.
Q: Can my partner and I see any practitioners to receive the Gottman Method couples therapy?
A: To start the Gottman Method, you should see a certified Gottman Method practitioners who has undergone the training to employ it in couples therapy. Each professional must complete three levels of training set by the Gottman Institute before they are qualified to provide you and your partner with the support you need.
Q: Are follow-up sessions necessary for Gottman Method couples therapy?
A: Yes, follow-ups can help you to see how you and your partner are progressing using the techniques you learned from your sessions. Your practitioners will also help you track progress and use that as a motivational point to keep you on the right track.
The Gottman method – about (2024) The Gottman Institute. Available at: https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/ (Accessed: Summer 2024).
Davoodvandi M, Navabi Nejad S, Farzad V. Examining the Effectiveness of Gottman Couple Therapy on Improving Marital Adjustment and Couples’ Intimacy. Iran J Psychiatry. 2018 Apr;13(2):135-141. PMID: 29997659; PMCID: PMC6037577.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2023). Gottman method couple therapy. In J. L. Lebow & D. K. Snyder (Eds.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (6th ed., pp. 362–386). The Guilford Press.
Psychology Today. (2022). The Gottman Method. Retrieved 30th December 2024 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/therapy-types/the-gottman-method
The Gottman Institute. (2024). An Introduction to the Gottman Method of Relationship Therapy. Retrieved 30th December 2024 from https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-the-gottman-method-of-relationship-therapy/
The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). Research. Retrieved 30th December 2024 from https://www.gottman.com/about/research/
The Gottman Institute. (n.d.). The Gottman Method. Retrieved 30th December 2024 from https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/
Vinney, C. (2023). Overview of the Gottman Method. Retrieved 30th December 2024 from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-gottman-metho
Meet Our Practitioners Specialising In The Gottman Method Couples Therapy
Joshua Koh
Counsellor
Soolin Choi
Counsellor
Diandra Andersen
Counsellor
Shrutika Kapoor
Counsellor
Fiona Maher O'Sullivan
Counsellor, Speakers
Vivien Tay
Counsellor
Lynette Lee-Chan
Counsellor
