Discernment Counselling
What Is Discernment Counselling?
Discernment Counselling is designed specifically for couples who feel stuck between staying together and separating.
Rather than trying to fix the relationship immediately, this approach helps you determine the right course of action. Over a small number of structured sessions, you and your partner gain clarity about whether to:
- Path 1 — Status Quo
Remain in the marriage as it currently is. - Path 2 — Separation or Divorce
Move forward with clarity and understanding. - Path 3 — Recommitment
Enter six months of couples therapy with a clear agenda for growth, putting divorce off the table during this time.
The purpose of Discernment Counselling is to help couples move from confusion and pressure to informed, thoughtful decision-making, whether that means rebuilding the relationship or ending it with understanding and respect.
Understanding Discernment Counselling
How Do You Begin?
Session Structure
First Session: 120 Minutes
Following Sessions: 90 Minutes
Your First Session: What To Expect
1. Meeting Together (40 Minutes)
We begin with both of you present. During this time, we will:
Discuss what has led you to seek support now.
Clarify what each of you hopes to gain from today and understand each person’s perspective.
- Explain how the process works and explore what each of you hopes to gain from it.
2. Individual Conversations (35 Minutes Each)
You will then meet privately with the counsellor, one at a time.
This allows you to:
Speak openly without worrying about hurting your partner.
Reflect on your experience of the relationship.
Consider your options carefully.
After each individual meeting, a brief summary is shared so there are no surprises or secrets between partners.
Then you switch, and the process repeats.
3. Deciding The Next Step
At the end of the session, we come back together.
We reflect on how the conversation felt and decide together, whether to:
Continue discernment counselling.
Move toward relationship repair.
Or move toward separation in a respectful way.
How Is Discernment Counselling Different From Couples Therapy?
Who Is Discernment Counselling For?
Discernment Counselling is designed for couples in a committed, long-term relationship who are considering separation or divorce but have not yet made a final decision about the relationship’s future.
Typically, one partner leans toward ending the relationship, while the other hopes to preserve it. Because partners are not yet mutually committed to working on the relationship, traditional couples therapy is often premature.
The process helps partners clarify whether to pursue structured couples therapy, move toward separation, or maintain the status quo.
It is not intended for couples in casual or early-stage dating relationships, or for couples who have already decided to repair the relationship together; those couples are better suited to couples therapy.
Benefits Of Discernment Counselling
Discernment Counselling allows you and your partner to clarify your feelings and decide on your readiness to address issues you may be struggling with.
For couples with misaligned values and priorities, it minimises conflict and provides a smoother path forward for separation. For couples who decide to overcome their struggles and move forward together, Discernment Counselling can transition to conventional Couples Counselling with a deeper understanding of the core conflicts and areas for improvement.
Whatever your ultimate decision about your relationship’s future, Discernment Counselling can provide you with the clarity necessary to make the best decision. It will help you understand your relationship dynamics in a neutral, constructive setting and help you and your partner make a clear, informed choice about your future.
If you are interested in pursuing Discernment Counselling, please schedule an appointment by completing the contact form.
Our administration team is trained and will confidentially guide you through the application process and help recommend a suitable counsellor.
How Can New Leaf Help?
At New Leaf Counselling & Integrative Health, we understand the emotional complexity of this stage in a relationship. Our trained practitioners provide a safe, non-judgmental space where both partners feel heard and respected, regardless of their current feelings or the decision they’re leaning towards.
Discernment Counselling at New Leaf is designed to reduce conflict, promote honest reflection, and support healthier decision-making.
Whether you move forward together or respectfully part ways, we’re here to guide you through the process with clarity, compassion, and our clinical expertise. You’re not alone in this journey.
Doherty, W.J., Harris, S.M. and Wilde, J.L. (2015) ‘Discernment counseling for “mixed‐agenda” couples’, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 42(2), pp. 246–255. doi:10.1111/jmft.12132.
Hardy, N. (2015) ‘Discernment Counselling: Treating Couples Unsure About Continuing Their Marriage’, Clinical Science Insights: Knowledge Families Count On [Preprint]. Available at: https://www.family-institute.org/behavioral-health-resources/discernment-counseling (Accessed: Summer 2024).
Meet Our Practitioners Specialising In Discernment Counselling
Joshua Koh
Counsellor
Soolin Choi
Counsellor
Diandra Andersen
Counsellor
Shrutika Kapoor
Counsellor
Fiona Maher O'Sullivan
Counsellor, Speakers
Vivien Tay
Counsellor
