Trauma can leave a lasting impression that impacts your life in many unexpected ways. In some instances, unresolved trauma can manifest at any time. It may lead you to blame yourself for things that are beyond your control, affecting your daily life without you noticing.
What Is Unresolved Trauma?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is an emotional response to a “disturbing experience” that can leave a “long-lasting negative effect” on you. Unresolved trauma occurs when you choose to suppress or shut out this disturbing event instead of coming to terms with it. As a result, the effects of this trauma can have lingering consequences as your mind and body continue to protect you from a traumatic experience that has long since passed.
Trauma can come in various forms, such as childhood abuse, neglect, and even the loss of a loved one.
Without support, unresolved trauma can manifest as:
- A lack of trust.
- Inability to open up to others.
- Constant low self-esteem.
- Feelings of guilt and worthlessness.
These symptoms can prevent you from moving on from your past, as it continues to hold you back.
Why Does Self-Blame Happen?
Unresolved trauma fosters self-blame, and when taken to its extreme, it can leave a significant impact on our day-to-day lives. Often, self-blame occurs when you find yourself unable to come to terms with a traumatic event you experienced. Not having a support system to help you address the trauma and its lingering effects, among other things, can easily cause feelings of self-blame to flourish.
But how exactly does unresolved trauma manifest through this self-blame?
Feeling Shame
After a traumatic event occurs, your experience can leave you feeling ashamed, even if it was not your fault in the first place. That can lead to long-term feelings of shame, where you find yourself spiralling into self-doubt, guilt, and worthlessness because you believe yourself to be in the wrong. This shame further fuels the cycle of self-blame, where you constantly put yourself down because you feel you are to blame for everything that has gone wrong, even if that is not true.
Childhood Trauma
Young children often struggle to understand what has happened when a traumatic event occurs. If you experienced trauma as a child, your young mind may have internalised a belief that the trauma happened because of something you said or did, even if you were not truly at fault.
Self-Protection
Self-blame could also be a coping mechanism that has gone awry. You may have developed a strategy to help you regain control over your life and maintain your connections with loved ones. However, over time, this system has turned on you, leading you to constantly blame yourself for what happened. Cultural, religious, and other factors can all contribute to this harmful pattern.
Is Healing Possible For Unresolved Trauma?
Recovery begins with the support of a professional counsellor, who can help you start and support your therapy. It involves recognising how trauma has changed you, and how you can take back your life, and it is no easy journey to undertake.
Unlearning Self-Blame
Self-blame can have a strong hold on your life, and unlearning it is a vital facet of coming to terms with your unresolved trauma. Coming to terms with what you went through is a crucial part of this process. It is helpful to understand that your responses during and after the traumatic event stemmed from what you knew at the time and served to protect you.
Forgiving Yourself
As you gradually come to terms with your unresolved trauma, you will slowly learn to forgive yourself for what happened. It will feel like a journey, as recovery does take time. It is not to minimise or excuse the trauma you went through, but to give you closure about how you were looking out for yourself at the time. This is particularly important if you were a child still learning and trying to make sense of the world. After all, you are only human: compassion, empathy, and self-love will be needed to help you move on from self-destructive behaviours and slowly release the heavy weight of your self-blame to help you recover.
Reframing
Reframing allows you to shift your perspective away from self-blame and embrace kindness towards yourself. It will enable you to see that you are not responsible for the actions of those who hurt you, nor does your unresolved trauma define you. With healthy coping methods and other supporting treatments, you can ease into being at peace with your past and release yourself from the burden of self-blame caused by unresolved trauma.
Find Professional Support With New Leaf Counselling & Integrative Health
At New Leaf Counselling & Integrative Health, our experienced, qualified counsellors are ready to support you through your therapy sessions and help you gradually understand and address your trauma. Contact us today to learn more and schedule an appointment.
References
APA (2018) APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/trauma
